have been feeling up and downs lately, negative thoughts, swaying emotions hit me badly... there is times were i totally feel like giving up, backsliding and even to end my life!! thank God harry is always there to speak to me keeping me accompany!! felt so tired lately.... wanting to rest more in both God and bed, i really need to tune up my life... totally lost the spirit of wanting to do more...

during this moments of tiredness and swaying emotional and keep asking my self what is my purpose in this earth, in this church? and why when there is time i wanna backslide by inner self does not let me? it seems hard to backslide after planted in HOGC

and i finally remember.... the only things that keep me going regardless how tired i am, still wanting to plan event being happy what ever happen is to see friends being save in God especially people who went wrong ways and have their life changes now in the power of God, people like joelson, zac and many other, this are the people who do not only make Pastors keep going but they are also part of the people who keep going!! loving people with all my hearts.

there is times i dream myself going to boys home talking to the youth there, wanting to know them deeper, and also share with them all the life changing experience by the grace of God, i have also dream myself as a survey conductor going to people on the streets asking them how they feel about Christianity and at the same time invite them to the place i call home!

and to make sure no one mistake my meaning of this post, i am not trying to force Christianity in to peoples life, i just wanna love the people which the world has given hope on! and also to the people who want to know more about God but was nv given the chance too!