Confuse i am make me start thinking about stuff more complicated then ever......

feeling close to God make me feel more relax but going any more nearer need me to be committed... commitment is nv my type of job, all i wish is just having freedom being set free from all boundary and burdens, God will help me remove my sin, my burdens but that does not set me free i will need to be as one with the lord and serve him and they say the greatest reward is to be with him stay with him? if that's the case were is the freedom? and is this what i want?

why am i close to God? is it just because i want to be with HIM? or is it because of friends? what will happen if all my friend left? will i still be faithful and stay committed?

~~~~~

i will soon hear if i am approve to work part time in resort world sentosa, i have chosen part-time instead of casual timing cause part time will be more stable then casual timing, but part time need to work at less 22 hours per week that will remove Friday afternoon time, Saturday and Sunday timing, which mean is i am to work there i will not be able to go for servicing, worshiping and praising

GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!! i do not know if you can hear me but i hope you can help me with choice

it's been a long time since i came back to post again, back here with problems, moods, and stuff that's is done....

2010 a brand new year got in to the course i wanted so far every thing is still ok peace, fun and enjoyable time

but life at home is not the same, my mom have stop working for the moment and she will be of cause staying at home doing housework and stuff, with her at home mean lots of stuff i do at home will be a risk for example watching pornography, masturbating (well that's all for the naughty part) but most of all i cannot do emotional stuff like crying, screaming my lungs off in the room and throwing my pillow and stuff everywhere on the floor or blasting my new creative speaker i just bought last month.

knew lots of friends in school some are close some still getting along over all not bad and we also did have some outing by ours elf like having steamboat follow by shisha and some of us did catch movies together have a fun time which i do not have for some time, but there is still gaps between us....... hoping one day we could all go out again together with no one missing......

life in school and at home as u can see is still ok, having friends that look for other outing plans and having mom spending more time at home with me. this is the best i wish for but i still feel a empty dark cold pain feeling deep in my heart, the emptiness in my heart make me feel so alone so far a way from everybody........

just have a swimming time trail yesterday lester was there i was so happy to see him after dunno how many weeks, eliza, amber and wy is still missing nv see them there but i did not call them either, i broke my own record for 50 meter freestyle last year was 50+ sec but yesterday i only took 45 sec i am happy but disappointed i still find myself very slow there is also some junior that swim faster then me, 30 sec is the timing i want gonna pratice hard to reach that timing

" I do not mind you hating me, just dont leave me, being alone without you is my worst nightmare, i maybe a guy but i am not as independence as you think i am."