looking at the rain, thinking of the pass
the days that i am frighten is the time i lost you in the crowd,
worried and lost i am searching for you high and low,

i try to stop but i cant resist my love for you,
you may be right here next to me but our heart seems so far apart,
we may have our heart beat as one and the precious time we share together
as long as hearts will beat lifelong, our passion will never subside

i cry, i fear, the pain, the love is just for you

its already mid nov going dec le this term do pass fast finally project all has been completed with the help of my classmate

its already nov going dec and nothing of me have change, still lost and dull like always, i have friends close to me and always around me but i still feel alone, why am i feeling this way?

injured my leg again yesterday... still recovering.......


life is like a board game in 3D format being played in computer, we will always meet people we do not want to meet, we will face stronger monster to deal with but you will nv die in this game cause the monster in this game will hit you till you left with almost nothing left and stun you and then it will just walk off from you leaving the fear and pain scar in your mind, but there is always people who gone throught all this to help you to overcome all the quest and mission, this game also have no guide on what to do and how to improve the only way is to go through or look at how people deal with it, oh ya this game is very different too it has time limit and in this game you can never die during att unless the monster have weapon(forget to tell you in this game all the monster will att you but will nv kill you unless it want to and also the monster in this game the monster have it's own brain there not set to be this way but on what they want and how they want). for the time limit once the time is up it means game over, you can nv replay or restart and one more thing is this game is nv fair some just start playing same time as you but have longer time limit then you but some dun even get the chance to log in to create the character and they game over.. oh ya last of all during half way before your time limit is even up you can also can game over the game there are also people who do that but just to remind you once you game over the game you can also neither restart or replay the game just like once the time limit reach zero.... thats life!

it's about time i came back to my very own place, to place the feeling i have every day and i will start from last few day, a feeling of what i want and had in mind ^^

yesterday went swimming, due to lack of stamina my progress have drop alot , more then i have expected... but thats not i want to say. it was late and it's about to rain, walking alone with a tired and heavy body after a long day make me feel like just dropping every thing on the ground and just take a good rest. but all i ever really wanted is just a kor i imagine to be, a cool cool type kor waiting for me near by our house waiting for me to go home. lol the 1st thing i will do is pass all the stuff i had to him while he say: "come let kor carry for you" with a smile on his face and after he carry my bag and stuff i will not hesitate to give him a good hug at the same time tell him about my days in school after that he will bring me to the nearest mini mart and get an ice cream for both ourself and while eating ice cream he hold my hand and walk me back home. haha so wish have a kor i have in mind ^^

to the guy in SM course who help me few month back after swimming i really hope to see you soon and get to know you i just wanna say thank you

busy playing computers lately so did not have time to blog...

went back to my 1st blog and saw all the spams the 1st things that came to my mind is forget it dun wish to blog already.... i rather play my own com game then busy spamming my own blog.... what ever people say, listen and forget that's what i learn in sec 4, never try to care too much or do not poke your nose in to others peoples business cause they will never thanks you but instead they will scold your for being nosy.... humans thanks you when u help them and succeed but if u fail they will push all the blame on you...

questions?

A sudden question ask by my mum kept me awake all morning after using computer at night....
she say :" boy look at yourself ever since u injured your leg u have not been studying, the only stuff u do at home is play computer, watch television, eat and sleep what else u know how to do?! what do u want your life to be next time? what u wanna work as?!" lol among all only the word in yellow make me speechless, after that sentence was out from my mom's mouth i stay still, eyes close and pretend to sleep to prevent her saying more stuff...

i kept thinking what do i wanna do? what should i do? i hate studies and life is troublesome all i only know is i just wanna enjoy and sing in a hall a theater filled with audience. sigh but will it come true?

should i continue study chemical process tec? and work as a job after NS? or am i going to get any job i can find after NS? what about my stuff i have been thinking lately? quitting this course and take up bakery course and work part time in bakery shop to save up for my piano and music studies? but what happen if music studies is not a success? am i gonna bake muffins and cakes forever? or just sign on in NS till who knows when? i seriously have no idea what i wanna do or gonna do in life....

if i just die all this will nv be in my thinking....
die is still the better way out

Hmm..... my 2nd blog...

having lots of problem lately with me myself, my classmate and a spammer who i know not.
i dunno what to do, what to say and i dunno if they will manage to find my link to my 2nd blog.

i am sick and tired, i am not what u all think u all know about i am not brave as u all thought of, i need support, a shoulder to lean on but i know my limit and i will not and cannot be a good boyfriend. i am easily weaken, sensitive and emotional i am not only weak i also like to hide away to a place were no one can find me and slowly leak my tears off or hide away from all troubles, i just want a person regardless guy or girl to love me for who i am is it so hard? everything u see about me is just an act an act to prove that i am not weak and not easy to be defeat but thats not what i am. so what if i am fat? so what if i am a gay? so what if i am a bi? i am still a human no matter what, a human with feelings like all normal human and it is just that the way i grow up or thinking that make me different from all of you. why must you all force me to tell that i am different, when my family members dun even know about it.

i do not know what i did to make u guys hate me and dislike me, if it's the way i talk then tell me straight dun talk behind my back saying other stuff. i have very very less friend and i just manage to be friend with a group of friends in school, i dun want to lose them cause if i lose them i will be all alone, i dun want to be alone. coz only a few will understand the feeling of already having friend but they left you because u are not what they think u are...

i am all alone even thought i have gans, i am still alone even when i have my family cause there is non who can listen or understand me. just wish someone could stop and help me if not KILL ME! i will be happy being dead then alive....

* to readers
i dun need sympathies, pity or non supporting word......
PLEASE AND THANKS