A sudden question ask by my mum kept me awake all morning after using computer at night....
she say :" boy look at yourself ever since u injured your leg u have not been studying, the only stuff u do at home is play computer, watch television, eat and sleep what else u know how to do?! what do u want your life to be next time? what u wanna work as?!" lol among all only the word in yellow make me speechless, after that sentence was out from my mom's mouth i stay still, eyes close and pretend to sleep to prevent her saying more stuff...
i kept thinking what do i wanna do? what should i do? i hate studies and life is troublesome all i only know is i just wanna enjoy and sing in a hall a theater filled with audience. sigh but will it come true?
should i continue study chemical process tec? and work as a job after NS? or am i going to get any job i can find after NS? what about my stuff i have been thinking lately? quitting this course and take up bakery course and work part time in bakery shop to save up for my piano and music studies? but what happen if music studies is not a success? am i gonna bake muffins and cakes forever? or just sign on in NS till who knows when? i seriously have no idea what i wanna do or gonna do in life....
if i just die all this will nv be in my thinking....
die is still the better way out
Friday, September 25, 2009
Hmm..... my 2nd blog...
having lots of problem lately with me myself, my classmate and a spammer who i know not.
i dunno what to do, what to say and i dunno if they will manage to find my link to my 2nd blog.
i am sick and tired, i am not what u all think u all know about i am not brave as u all thought of, i need support, a shoulder to lean on but i know my limit and i will not and cannot be a good boyfriend. i am easily weaken, sensitive and emotional i am not only weak i also like to hide away to a place were no one can find me and slowly leak my tears off or hide away from all troubles, i just want a person regardless guy or girl to love me for who i am is it so hard? everything u see about me is just an act an act to prove that i am not weak and not easy to be defeat but thats not what i am. so what if i am fat? so what if i am a gay? so what if i am a bi? i am still a human no matter what, a human with feelings like all normal human and it is just that the way i grow up or thinking that make me different from all of you. why must you all force me to tell that i am different, when my family members dun even know about it.
i do not know what i did to make u guys hate me and dislike me, if it's the way i talk then tell me straight dun talk behind my back saying other stuff. i have very very less friend and i just manage to be friend with a group of friends in school, i dun want to lose them cause if i lose them i will be all alone, i dun want to be alone. coz only a few will understand the feeling of already having friend but they left you because u are not what they think u are...
i am all alone even thought i have gans, i am still alone even when i have my family cause there is non who can listen or understand me. just wish someone could stop and help me if not KILL ME! i will be happy being dead then alive....
* to readers
i dun need sympathies, pity or non supporting word......
PLEASE AND THANKS
having lots of problem lately with me myself, my classmate and a spammer who i know not.
i dunno what to do, what to say and i dunno if they will manage to find my link to my 2nd blog.
i am sick and tired, i am not what u all think u all know about i am not brave as u all thought of, i need support, a shoulder to lean on but i know my limit and i will not and cannot be a good boyfriend. i am easily weaken, sensitive and emotional i am not only weak i also like to hide away to a place were no one can find me and slowly leak my tears off or hide away from all troubles, i just want a person regardless guy or girl to love me for who i am is it so hard? everything u see about me is just an act an act to prove that i am not weak and not easy to be defeat but thats not what i am. so what if i am fat? so what if i am a gay? so what if i am a bi? i am still a human no matter what, a human with feelings like all normal human and it is just that the way i grow up or thinking that make me different from all of you. why must you all force me to tell that i am different, when my family members dun even know about it.
i do not know what i did to make u guys hate me and dislike me, if it's the way i talk then tell me straight dun talk behind my back saying other stuff. i have very very less friend and i just manage to be friend with a group of friends in school, i dun want to lose them cause if i lose them i will be all alone, i dun want to be alone. coz only a few will understand the feeling of already having friend but they left you because u are not what they think u are...
i am all alone even thought i have gans, i am still alone even when i have my family cause there is non who can listen or understand me. just wish someone could stop and help me if not KILL ME! i will be happy being dead then alive....
* to readers
i dun need sympathies, pity or non supporting word......
PLEASE AND THANKS
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