Tears...

Tired, really emotionally tired.... Everyday before I end my duty there will always be a quarrel or a fight...

He is angry for something I did, but I am not sure what wrong with what I did! He does not care to explain more... And ask me to go think about it...

Book in to camp on Friday... Sat I can secretly book out for a whole day.... But I am lazy after thinking about the traveling.... It will take up to 4 hours just to travel from my camp to his house and back to camp!! It was already 11am then.... Plus I will be on duty the following day... Yes I gave him false hope.. Yes I disappoint him but I am the one doing the traveling..... Not him....

After this incident every evening we would quarrel about the stuff I like on Facebook.... Even after I remove all that he "so call" hate and unfollow it, he now quarrel about the post that I posted... It is an MV (music video) not sex clips!

I am really tired of all the argument...
I hate it when we quarrel just because he is angry about other stuff and vent it out on me....
I hate it when I disappoint him or gave him false hope then he came back giving the pain I had given him...

I got a feeling the 4D number that I wanted to buy which was sold out and open up as a 1st prize on sat was because I and him argue.... It was because of that quarrel, God of wealth walk away from me!

My 1st time having this feeling so strong that I am gonna win something big but was all ruined by a fight which is avoided

I did something really wrong few days back which lead to who he is now... And I am paying back my sin by tolerating all this with no power, no chance, full of shame and guilt to fight back, it is my fault for doing what i am not suppose to and I should be thankful that he is willing to accept me back...

How long more

Was celebrating my mom's birthday ...

And realize she is no longer young and lively as she was... She is already hitting her 50+ this year!

I wanted to go after my music life but I am not financially wealthy, am still relying on my mom's monthly pay.... As I was celebrating my mom's birthday, her age kinda hit me hard... Thoughts running through my head

How long can she support me?
Should I be selfish and continue my passion?

She is my pillar for all my life, she gave me advise when I meet my cross junction in life, she is always there when I am sad, she encourage me to do what I want even though she know she will suffer a little more, she only think about us and nv trouble us with her troubles so we could go after what we want...

I cannot imagine life without her...

Who am I? There is a dream i dream to be, a life, no song unsung, no wine untasted...

How many one more day could I see, how many one more day can I hold on to?

Afraid of regrets and too late....

What would I become of when she is gone?